Can you say no to Sex in a Relationship? Here is How to say no to sex with Confidence


Actually, let get sometime straight you don’t really need a reason to justify why you don’t want to have sex with whom, where and when is completely your choice.

Sex is supposed to be a positive and pleasurable experience, but this might be impossible if you or your partner feel like you’re not ready or are being forced into having sex. Irrespective of your relationship status. You can say no to sex if you are not interested or ready for it. Your partner must learn to appreciate your right to do so. However, the issue of intimacy is often fragile and must be handled with care. Saying no to sex should just be as simple as saying no am not interested or I don’t feel like it, but in most cases, you might feel pressured, guilty, manipulated or coerced when you say no. Pressuring someone to into having sex is never okay or a good experience and everyone deserve their boundaries to be respected.  You have the right to decide for yourself when you are ready to have sex and to say no to sex any time with any person or for any reason [even if you’ve already had it before]. But saying “no” to sex can be difficult sometime especially if you haven’t thought on how to say no before you need to, sex is all about consent. If you don’t want to have sex let your partner know. For example, if your partner says no to sex, it is really important to respect their decision, they are only saying no to sex not to you and that’s were understanding and maturity of respecting their decision at that moment to avoid hurting each other comes in. And this called sexual consent.

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Tips on how to say no to Sex with Confidence

  1. Get involved with other activities instead of sex: A relationship is not about just indulging in sexual pleasures. One way to say no to sex is to ask your partner to build the spice in the relationship along with you. There are other ways to build your love life aside from sex, you have to understand that sex is not something you can force on your partner. Sexual rejection can always be difficult, especially when the other partner does not understand your reasons. It is important to try other ways to make your relationship worthwhile. Rejection can hurt your partners ego especially if it is because of sexual advances.
  2. If you can give them reasons for saying no to sex: The truth is that you do not owe anybody an explanation as to why you don’t want to have sex and that is perfect and acceptable. Practicing giving a reason for saying “no” (as well as giving a reason for saying “yes”) is a good way to understand where your own feelings are coming from. Practicing consents opens the door to more open and honest communication in your relationship as well as with yourself which is one of the most important elements of a healthy relationship “Communication”.
  3. Make your partner understand how far you can go: Tell your partner what you are comfortable with, even when you are not ready to have sex yet. You might want to kiss, make out or cuddle. Be honest and upfront about what you’d like to happen. You could say something like “hey, so I’m not ready to go all the way just yet, I’m down to make out a little bit though” or I really like you a lot but I’m not just comfortable with having sex with you just yet, could we just cuddle and watch a movie. Make sure your opinion count about how you want your sexual relationship to be with them.
  4.  Talk politely when declining your partner’s sex proposal: Try to keep your tone and approach mild and gentle, avoid an aggressive tone even though you are feeling irritated and stressed. Whatever your mood is do not reflect it in words, also your partner might try to coax you lovingly to give in to their needs, it is up to you on how to handle the situation you have to communicate the message clearly without offending or hurting them badly. Be gentle and loving while staying true to your decision.
  5. Keep the communication constant: One way to decline sex pressure is by saying “no” simple, but another way to make it well understood by your partner is by talking about it with them. We all know that life can be stressful sometimes, we all have responsibilities and at times the pressure and juggle between all these put pressure on our mental and physical health. So, whenever you feel like something is bothering you try to communicate with your partner, speaking out or sharing things with your partner will ease the pressure instead of feeling pressured to have sex just speak your mind and this might help you feel better.
  6.  If you feel threatened about sex with your partner, just leave: If your partner continuously pressures you about sex, it is time to let go of the relationship. While they might not be violent, asking for sex repeatedly, especially when they know you are not ready is a form of sexual coercion and this is never okay. If you can leave the situation and go somewhere else for a while or move on from the relationship. If you are young call a trusted adult to come and pick you up. Saying “no” to sex is not a wrong decision to take or that you are naïve, after all you don’t owe anyone, an explanation including the one you love.


Sex is not everything and it equally does not make a relationship perfect, saying “no” to sex does not mean you are awkward or inactive. Your opinion on when you want to have sex should be your choice and depending on your reasons. It is important to respect people’s choice of view about sex or any other issues. The above tips will help you know how to say “no” to sex without hurting yourself and others.


Should you always ask for permission from your partner always before having sex with them? Please leave a comment.



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